I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
