Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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