Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
