I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize