just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
