Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
