there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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