i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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