i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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