He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
