thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
