Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
