If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i now understand why vodka
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
