Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
