Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
