Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
