this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I would ride that face into the sunset
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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