I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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