Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
