i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
