Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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