You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
