vagina is talking i cant
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
