these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
