No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
