I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't turn off my feet"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
