Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
