Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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