She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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