What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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