we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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