apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
