Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
