i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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