we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize