that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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