you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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