She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
