when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
