I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize