I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
