did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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