At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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