Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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