saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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