Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
