I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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