You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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