friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
