would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
