he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
