apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
