Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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