He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
