New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
