I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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