worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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