Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
