I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
