looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
