i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
