Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
