Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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