your parents love me but you hate me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
why is half of my head shaved?
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