If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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