I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
