Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
