it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
