Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
