I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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