oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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