Umm I'm too high to move.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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