We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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