It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize