the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
