I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
