I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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