Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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