Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
