there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
