On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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