Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Randomize
