We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
