i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
