I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize