i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
