wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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