I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize