We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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