All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
